Farewell....at four.

I am a terrible blogger. I keep thinking I will find the time to print out all these posts, store them safely, and then suspend the account and go on with life. But then I feel guilty. SO guilty. So I spend more mental energy thinking (unrealistically, as it turns out) that I will find the time to post again.

This is certainly a convenient way to record those precious, tender memories between parent/child. But as E grows up (I cannot BELIEVE he is four, people) I am starting to think the best memories are too sacred to throw out onto the world wide web, and my time is better spent on enjoying the present rather than capturing it for posterity. So I must bid adieu. And I think his fourth birthday is a good note on which to end.

Lest you fear for E - I do have a journal where I write down choice memories and I've started to read some of it to E. True to his sensitive soul, E last told me: "I love you Mama. Write that down."

Which leads me to the last point I'd like to make - one that I have envisioned posting here for quite some time, believe it or not. For me, the most wonderful thing about parenting thus far is the fact that, as time passes, we are falling more and more deeply in love with this child. Nothing prepared me for this. And it is the most wonderful, unexpected gift.

There are definitely challenging days, ones in which I have to remind myself that "I am a grown-up" and "this is not about winning." But for the most part, if I remember to breathe, we manage to resolve things quickly.

I think four is going to be my favorite age - things have gotten so much easier! E is a big help - he is interested in dressing himself; he even wanted to pack his own lunch a few weeks back. And he loves school and the friendships he is in the midst of forming. A few weeks ago he even articulated "yeah, at first I didn't like when you left me at school, but now I do. I like it." When asked what changed, he said "I get it now, Mama. I GET school."

Our lives have been quite the rollercoaster these past 4 years - with 4 job changes between the 2 of us; 3 dogs came and went while the fourth one stayed; panicked searches for a "decent" nanny after we lost our perfect one; false starts at preschool and then, hallelujah!, we found a good fit. All in all, I think we finally hit our groove this last year - and I think E deserves most of the credit for letting us know when we'd made the right decisions. Here's to all parents - both the working and non-working ones - seeking to find a balance for their families. I'm not sure it's ever a static condition, but teetering on the edge of "balance" most of the time certainly feels good!

The magic of Waldorf

E started preschool last month - the first two weeks he didn't cry at all, due in part to the ample opportunities the school provided our whole family to spend time on the campus and with other kids in his class before the actual session. By week 3 E caught on to the fact that neither of his parents was staying - and he began to cry at dropoffs.

This past year one of the coping skills I've tried to teach E when he feels tense is yoga. It has been amazing to watch him catch on. He's started doing it again at home spontaneously, and then when I notice he'll say "I do yoga at school - but I don't talk about it. I just do it. I go in a corner and just do it." I think this is hilarious but am also very proud of him.

The tension is also eased by the fact that I feel totally comfortable with his school environment. His two teachers are veteran mothers themselves, and are so patient, kind and loving with the children. I want to hug one of them every time I see them! And the families and the children at the school are all such nice people. Every time I am there I feel "in balance."

We're still muddling through, but E is always happy by the time I pick him up - and now that the first month is through I'm getting little peeks into what he's doing at school (the other kids seemed to share with their parents without reservation; E is a little more timid and wouldn't tell me a darn thing the first month).

If it loads, below should be a link to the first "song" and "grace" he's shared thus far. Of course, when I first caught him singing he was in front of our mirrored closet doors, doing all the hand motions and watching himself. I ran to get the camera; realized I forgot an image card; grabbed one and started to record, only to be informed by said camera that the card was full; I tried to delete all photos but it still wouldn't record; so I ran back and grabbed another memory card - by this time E had made it onto our bed and the hand motions were gone. And then when I walked in he struck a pose - a yoga pose, that is. It's a bit hard to understand him, but here is what he is saying:

"Here stands a great tree with leaves so green (jump both feet out and stick arms out);
Here are the apples that hang in between (make fists in front of chest);
When the wind blows (wave arms like a crazy person)
The apples will fall (bend over and touch the ground)
And here is a basket to gather them all (roll forearms and then pretend to pick)
LA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA LA (I am not sure if this is part of the song or if it is just E's embellishment)"

And here is the grace they say before snack or lunch:

"Dear Earth, who gives to us this food;
Sun who makes it ripe and good
Dear Earth, Dear Sun, by you we live;
Our love is thanks to you we give;
Blessings on our family, our friends and our meal
Amen (of course he thinks it is EA-MONN)"


I think this is all so SWEET! I just love that it's his first introduction to school.

Thus far he's come home with "dragon bread" he made (it was a spiky dragon with slivered almonds down the spine, but he was sweet inside with honey and raisins) in honor of the Michaelmas festival; a "wishing stick" which was a piece of cinnamon bark that he had lucked into that day in his slice of bread during snack time; lots of new friends; wet clothes from splashing in mud puddles and playing in the rain; and a definite improvement in his social skills. Hallelujah!

Summer 2010

I think all San Diegans will agree with me that this did NOT feel like a summer. The temperature didn't break 80 until September! And low 70's is not beach weather out here. Nonetheless, we made it to the beach as a family over Labor Day weekend. The preceding weeks were filled with trips to the zoo, Sea World, Children's Museum, Wild Animal Park, and the Natural History museum in Balboa Park (which E just discovered). He is now interested in dinosaurs, and I cannot WAIT to take him to the Science Museum in London later this fall when we visit his newest cousin Charlie, Charlie's parents, and our old nanny Martha.

In regards to developmental changes - sometimes it feels as though we're in the hard times. We both continue to try to do the best we can, but it ain't easy. I take some consolation in the fact that E grew a whole TWO INCHES in the past 12 weeks. From June 13 to September 23 he grew to reach a solid 41 inches. He is well out of the "toddler" sizes and into a full boy's size 4 (or 5 depending on the brand). I cannot BELIEVE it. He isn't even 3 and a half (admittedly, that anniversary isn't far off but I am hanging onto the notion he is "just 3" for as long as I can people).

Quotable quotes

Father's Day morning - E runs into our bedroom at OH!-5-30 to wake us up - first words out of his mouth are:

"Mama! Let's talk about fossils!" (I look at the clock and inform him it's too early to talk about fossils.)

Our awesome nanny Hannah is also on the campaign and will write things down for us so she doesn't forget the "choice" quotes either - this week's occurred while E was playing with his medicine kit; Hannah said "Eamonn - are you a doctor? Will you take care of me?"

E looks at her very seriously and says:

"No, Miss Hannah. I can't have any BIG boy jobs until I am 8."

And last - we've had a couple rough nights, about once a week, where E is waking up from nightmares. He usually doesn't fully wake up - just calls out for one of us and settles down as soon as we go in and kiss his cheek. But last night was particularly rough - he woke up a LOT. And the last time he was really calling "MAMA!" - when I went in he sat up in bed and said "I'm having bad dreams." I said "Oh honey - do you want to talk about them?" Eamonn (laying down):

"No - I want to rest. We can talk about them tomorrow."

I never did get the subjects out of him and I'm so curious as to what they could be. Probably pirates or dinosaurs.

Still life by Eamonn...

E has taken more of an interest in the camera. He likes to take pictures and then look at them on the digital screen. I think this one sums up his life right now - crackers on the table, silver tractor bank keeping them company, sunlight streaming through the kitchen window......life is good.

And this one is upon request ("Mama, take a picture of my WHOLE BODY"). He looks so serious - it cracks me up. (notice his arm sticking out towards the table - that's an instinct he's cultivated lest Shep make a move towards his crackers on the table)

How to age a toddler into full boyhood...

E graduated from his tricycle to a 16" bike with training wheels. He LOVES it. He rides every day, all day. Before and after nap. Before and after dinner. It's wonderful. And he looks so OLD to me riding his bike. Stop it. I want to stop time right now.

Three years old!!!

Where does the time go? E turned three and it's hard for me to believe. On the one hand, I am impressed by how quickly these past 3 years have flown by. And at the same time, I'm floored by how independent a three year old can be. Quick recap - 3 yrs ago E was born - totally dependent on his parents/caregivers for everything. Within 8 months he began to crawl - gaining mobility. He also learned quickly how to express his pleasure/displeasure to properly motivate his parents to please him/meet his needs.

By 15 months, he walked. And we learned then that his personality is such that he is hesitant to try ANYTHING new unless he is ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN he can do it perfectly on the first try. No cruising, no toddling - just crawling for 15 months until one day he popped up, followed his father to bathroom, and never looked back (on Independence Day, no less).

The second year brought the power of speech - by 20-21 months he was forming full sentences (albeit short ones) and by his second birthday he was able to completely communicate his needs/wants. He also moved out of his crib and into a twin bed at 27 months.

This last year - especially these last 4-5 months - E transitioned from a toddler to a full-fledged boy! (sniff sniff). True to himself, he still gets through the big changes with ease - potty training was unexpectedly a breeze - almost too easy, in that he is "night training" himself and wakes up to go potty - those nights I wish he'd just wet a diaper; even though he goes into the bathroom and pulls his pants up/down by himself, we try to get up with him to manage the messiness. This last year also includes a failed attempt at preschool - 7 months in he was still crying a lot and it was just not worth it. So in March we pulled him out. Though now, this past month, I think he's finally ready. We're excited for him to start Waldorf in the fall!

All in all, Eamonn still loves books, still loves the outdoors, he is VERY talkative with an average of 6-7 words per sentence (really - they test this stuff!) which we often take for granted. His sense of humor is starting to emerge, too, and he makes me laugh every day. In fact, this prompts me to end with a recent "Eamonn story" -

We are ripping out the wall between our dining/living rooms - to prepare, we've packed up/moved out a lot of furniture and the rooms are pretty bare - leaving plenty of room for Eamonn to run around in a circle and yell "WOO HOO" over and over (a game he invented himself). As I put him down to nap yesterday, he got up and told me he had to go to the bathroom. As we got into the bathroom he said -

"Mama - this is how it is - I'm going to poop and then I'm going to run around the living room and yell 'WOO HOO' ONE MORE TIME and then I'll take a nap. OK? That is how it's going to go."

I looked at him and burst out laughing. I was bent down to help him undress, so once I started laughing, he grabbed my face with both his hands (I love when they do this - it's so darn cute), turned it to the side, and whispered in my ear:

"I'm going to yell 'WOO HOO' in the living room ONE MORE TIME - and then I'll take a nap - that's how it is."

Maybe it's just me, in which case I'm still glad I wrote this down, but I was HYSTERICAL. Sometimes parents just have to let things slide.