Farewell....at four.

I am a terrible blogger. I keep thinking I will find the time to print out all these posts, store them safely, and then suspend the account and go on with life. But then I feel guilty. SO guilty. So I spend more mental energy thinking (unrealistically, as it turns out) that I will find the time to post again.

This is certainly a convenient way to record those precious, tender memories between parent/child. But as E grows up (I cannot BELIEVE he is four, people) I am starting to think the best memories are too sacred to throw out onto the world wide web, and my time is better spent on enjoying the present rather than capturing it for posterity. So I must bid adieu. And I think his fourth birthday is a good note on which to end.

Lest you fear for E - I do have a journal where I write down choice memories and I've started to read some of it to E. True to his sensitive soul, E last told me: "I love you Mama. Write that down."

Which leads me to the last point I'd like to make - one that I have envisioned posting here for quite some time, believe it or not. For me, the most wonderful thing about parenting thus far is the fact that, as time passes, we are falling more and more deeply in love with this child. Nothing prepared me for this. And it is the most wonderful, unexpected gift.

There are definitely challenging days, ones in which I have to remind myself that "I am a grown-up" and "this is not about winning." But for the most part, if I remember to breathe, we manage to resolve things quickly.

I think four is going to be my favorite age - things have gotten so much easier! E is a big help - he is interested in dressing himself; he even wanted to pack his own lunch a few weeks back. And he loves school and the friendships he is in the midst of forming. A few weeks ago he even articulated "yeah, at first I didn't like when you left me at school, but now I do. I like it." When asked what changed, he said "I get it now, Mama. I GET school."

Our lives have been quite the rollercoaster these past 4 years - with 4 job changes between the 2 of us; 3 dogs came and went while the fourth one stayed; panicked searches for a "decent" nanny after we lost our perfect one; false starts at preschool and then, hallelujah!, we found a good fit. All in all, I think we finally hit our groove this last year - and I think E deserves most of the credit for letting us know when we'd made the right decisions. Here's to all parents - both the working and non-working ones - seeking to find a balance for their families. I'm not sure it's ever a static condition, but teetering on the edge of "balance" most of the time certainly feels good!

The magic of Waldorf

E started preschool last month - the first two weeks he didn't cry at all, due in part to the ample opportunities the school provided our whole family to spend time on the campus and with other kids in his class before the actual session. By week 3 E caught on to the fact that neither of his parents was staying - and he began to cry at dropoffs.

This past year one of the coping skills I've tried to teach E when he feels tense is yoga. It has been amazing to watch him catch on. He's started doing it again at home spontaneously, and then when I notice he'll say "I do yoga at school - but I don't talk about it. I just do it. I go in a corner and just do it." I think this is hilarious but am also very proud of him.

The tension is also eased by the fact that I feel totally comfortable with his school environment. His two teachers are veteran mothers themselves, and are so patient, kind and loving with the children. I want to hug one of them every time I see them! And the families and the children at the school are all such nice people. Every time I am there I feel "in balance."

We're still muddling through, but E is always happy by the time I pick him up - and now that the first month is through I'm getting little peeks into what he's doing at school (the other kids seemed to share with their parents without reservation; E is a little more timid and wouldn't tell me a darn thing the first month).

If it loads, below should be a link to the first "song" and "grace" he's shared thus far. Of course, when I first caught him singing he was in front of our mirrored closet doors, doing all the hand motions and watching himself. I ran to get the camera; realized I forgot an image card; grabbed one and started to record, only to be informed by said camera that the card was full; I tried to delete all photos but it still wouldn't record; so I ran back and grabbed another memory card - by this time E had made it onto our bed and the hand motions were gone. And then when I walked in he struck a pose - a yoga pose, that is. It's a bit hard to understand him, but here is what he is saying:

"Here stands a great tree with leaves so green (jump both feet out and stick arms out);
Here are the apples that hang in between (make fists in front of chest);
When the wind blows (wave arms like a crazy person)
The apples will fall (bend over and touch the ground)
And here is a basket to gather them all (roll forearms and then pretend to pick)
LA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA LA (I am not sure if this is part of the song or if it is just E's embellishment)"

And here is the grace they say before snack or lunch:

"Dear Earth, who gives to us this food;
Sun who makes it ripe and good
Dear Earth, Dear Sun, by you we live;
Our love is thanks to you we give;
Blessings on our family, our friends and our meal
Amen (of course he thinks it is EA-MONN)"


I think this is all so SWEET! I just love that it's his first introduction to school.

Thus far he's come home with "dragon bread" he made (it was a spiky dragon with slivered almonds down the spine, but he was sweet inside with honey and raisins) in honor of the Michaelmas festival; a "wishing stick" which was a piece of cinnamon bark that he had lucked into that day in his slice of bread during snack time; lots of new friends; wet clothes from splashing in mud puddles and playing in the rain; and a definite improvement in his social skills. Hallelujah!

Summer 2010

I think all San Diegans will agree with me that this did NOT feel like a summer. The temperature didn't break 80 until September! And low 70's is not beach weather out here. Nonetheless, we made it to the beach as a family over Labor Day weekend. The preceding weeks were filled with trips to the zoo, Sea World, Children's Museum, Wild Animal Park, and the Natural History museum in Balboa Park (which E just discovered). He is now interested in dinosaurs, and I cannot WAIT to take him to the Science Museum in London later this fall when we visit his newest cousin Charlie, Charlie's parents, and our old nanny Martha.

In regards to developmental changes - sometimes it feels as though we're in the hard times. We both continue to try to do the best we can, but it ain't easy. I take some consolation in the fact that E grew a whole TWO INCHES in the past 12 weeks. From June 13 to September 23 he grew to reach a solid 41 inches. He is well out of the "toddler" sizes and into a full boy's size 4 (or 5 depending on the brand). I cannot BELIEVE it. He isn't even 3 and a half (admittedly, that anniversary isn't far off but I am hanging onto the notion he is "just 3" for as long as I can people).

Quotable quotes

Father's Day morning - E runs into our bedroom at OH!-5-30 to wake us up - first words out of his mouth are:

"Mama! Let's talk about fossils!" (I look at the clock and inform him it's too early to talk about fossils.)

Our awesome nanny Hannah is also on the campaign and will write things down for us so she doesn't forget the "choice" quotes either - this week's occurred while E was playing with his medicine kit; Hannah said "Eamonn - are you a doctor? Will you take care of me?"

E looks at her very seriously and says:

"No, Miss Hannah. I can't have any BIG boy jobs until I am 8."

And last - we've had a couple rough nights, about once a week, where E is waking up from nightmares. He usually doesn't fully wake up - just calls out for one of us and settles down as soon as we go in and kiss his cheek. But last night was particularly rough - he woke up a LOT. And the last time he was really calling "MAMA!" - when I went in he sat up in bed and said "I'm having bad dreams." I said "Oh honey - do you want to talk about them?" Eamonn (laying down):

"No - I want to rest. We can talk about them tomorrow."

I never did get the subjects out of him and I'm so curious as to what they could be. Probably pirates or dinosaurs.

Still life by Eamonn...

E has taken more of an interest in the camera. He likes to take pictures and then look at them on the digital screen. I think this one sums up his life right now - crackers on the table, silver tractor bank keeping them company, sunlight streaming through the kitchen window......life is good.

And this one is upon request ("Mama, take a picture of my WHOLE BODY"). He looks so serious - it cracks me up. (notice his arm sticking out towards the table - that's an instinct he's cultivated lest Shep make a move towards his crackers on the table)

How to age a toddler into full boyhood...

E graduated from his tricycle to a 16" bike with training wheels. He LOVES it. He rides every day, all day. Before and after nap. Before and after dinner. It's wonderful. And he looks so OLD to me riding his bike. Stop it. I want to stop time right now.

Three years old!!!

Where does the time go? E turned three and it's hard for me to believe. On the one hand, I am impressed by how quickly these past 3 years have flown by. And at the same time, I'm floored by how independent a three year old can be. Quick recap - 3 yrs ago E was born - totally dependent on his parents/caregivers for everything. Within 8 months he began to crawl - gaining mobility. He also learned quickly how to express his pleasure/displeasure to properly motivate his parents to please him/meet his needs.

By 15 months, he walked. And we learned then that his personality is such that he is hesitant to try ANYTHING new unless he is ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN he can do it perfectly on the first try. No cruising, no toddling - just crawling for 15 months until one day he popped up, followed his father to bathroom, and never looked back (on Independence Day, no less).

The second year brought the power of speech - by 20-21 months he was forming full sentences (albeit short ones) and by his second birthday he was able to completely communicate his needs/wants. He also moved out of his crib and into a twin bed at 27 months.

This last year - especially these last 4-5 months - E transitioned from a toddler to a full-fledged boy! (sniff sniff). True to himself, he still gets through the big changes with ease - potty training was unexpectedly a breeze - almost too easy, in that he is "night training" himself and wakes up to go potty - those nights I wish he'd just wet a diaper; even though he goes into the bathroom and pulls his pants up/down by himself, we try to get up with him to manage the messiness. This last year also includes a failed attempt at preschool - 7 months in he was still crying a lot and it was just not worth it. So in March we pulled him out. Though now, this past month, I think he's finally ready. We're excited for him to start Waldorf in the fall!

All in all, Eamonn still loves books, still loves the outdoors, he is VERY talkative with an average of 6-7 words per sentence (really - they test this stuff!) which we often take for granted. His sense of humor is starting to emerge, too, and he makes me laugh every day. In fact, this prompts me to end with a recent "Eamonn story" -

We are ripping out the wall between our dining/living rooms - to prepare, we've packed up/moved out a lot of furniture and the rooms are pretty bare - leaving plenty of room for Eamonn to run around in a circle and yell "WOO HOO" over and over (a game he invented himself). As I put him down to nap yesterday, he got up and told me he had to go to the bathroom. As we got into the bathroom he said -

"Mama - this is how it is - I'm going to poop and then I'm going to run around the living room and yell 'WOO HOO' ONE MORE TIME and then I'll take a nap. OK? That is how it's going to go."

I looked at him and burst out laughing. I was bent down to help him undress, so once I started laughing, he grabbed my face with both his hands (I love when they do this - it's so darn cute), turned it to the side, and whispered in my ear:

"I'm going to yell 'WOO HOO' in the living room ONE MORE TIME - and then I'll take a nap - that's how it is."

Maybe it's just me, in which case I'm still glad I wrote this down, but I was HYSTERICAL. Sometimes parents just have to let things slide.

Happy St Patty's Day (a wee bit early)

This picture prompted me to get our little boy out of diapers. It's funny - he is SUCH an easy kid when it comes to the bigger transitions (to bed, potty)...
we're riding the potty train and so far, it's been a breeze! And it's amusing to me how rewarding these little victories can be. More on the potty train soon...

Things Eamonn has said this week that I want to remember

"Mama, will you marry me?" Huh?

In the car (without me prompting/noticing what he sees): "Oh. Cool. Mama, that's cool. They're building a new building. They're buillllldinggggg a new builllldinngggg. See, Mama? See those cranes?"

"Mama/Dada, Stop talking." Not proud of that one, but we hear it a lot.

Driving by downtown on the freeway - (yelling) "HI DADA! WE'RE GOING TO CORONADO! WE'RE GOING TO CORONADO PARK!"

Coming home - "Hiiiiiiiii Shep. Hiiii Shepper-weppers" (I melt)

Looking up towards the sky - (yelling) "HI FREDDY! WE'RE PLAYING CARS, FREDDY!" (I melt)

They have been making Valentines for the parents in class and, according to his preschool teacher, Eamonn is the only kid in his class that, the first time she asked him what his Valentine should say, chimed up "I love Mama and Dada" (rather than "I love my trucks, lollipops, swimming, etc.") We're doing something right.

And I come home from a work function tonight and manage to sneak in a kiss before he had fallen asleep. "Mama, where'd you go?" Me: "I had a meeting with Miss Kitty (coworker); why - were you upset?" E: Silence for a minute; then he rolls over onto his side "It's O-K Mama; It's O-K" Then: "Want you to sing ONE MORE song" *He's into bargaining - I had not sung any - but he's so used to asking for one more anything it creeps in often.

And lately - every morning now - he gets out of bed and bursts into our room with one of two phrases:

"I have stinky pants!" or "You need a diaper change!"

It's the little things...

This week our neighbors began an exciting project!


Both Eamonn and Shep were captivated. What could it be?


A huge cement mixer pulled into our cul-de-sac alley...


And laid the foundation for a swim spa!

That prompted Eamonn to get right down to work.

Introducing......SHEP!

We (I) made it 3 days without a dog (it felt like an eternity!). We (I) had been monitoring the pug rescue site contemplating a friend for Freddy, and so I inquired about one dog I had been eyeing - turns out he was being cared for less than 2 miles from our home! So we met him and the rest is history...

Shep will turn 6 on February 13th. He is 25 pounds and by far the best-looking dog I've ever owned (non-pug-lovers hold your tongues). He doesn't shed, smell or bark! But apparently he is very attached to his new mama - perhaps because I picked him up first? They TELL me (Greg, nanny, backup babysitter...) that when I leave the house Shep goes to the door and howls. For a while. Even though there are other people home. So we are contemplating another pug playmate for him. Stay tuned!

They grow up so fast...

Beloved Freddy

Freddy lived 8 of his 10 years with us. He put up with Bella, our crazy schedules and the "intrusion" of a new human being into our lives. I always said he'd make a great dolly for a kid someday - he would let you do ANYTHING to him and he never complained. He just wanted to be loved. He was a real hit at the vet's office - so much so that our doctor painted a portrait of him and hung it in her lobby. For the past three years we've enjoyed Fred's celebrity every time we had an appointment - people always asked "is that the dog from the painting?" I think the tongue gave it away.

Freddy was a cool dog. A good friend once called him "Henry" - and when I corrected her, she said "whatever - I mean the one with problems." Unlike Bella, who was an atypical pug with absolutely no health issues, Freddy had issues. He had eye meds, skin meds, ear meds; antibiotics, steriods, flea prevention stuff (3 types) ....but he was adorable in my eyes.

During a party he would walk into the middle of a circle of adults talking, flip over onto his back with all four legs in the air, and just stay....for a long time....without moving.....occasionally his eyes would look around (upside down)....but he figured if he waited long enough, someone would bend down and scratch his belly.

If a new person met him and showed interest, he'd immediately flop over on his side and bare his big fat belly - ready to be scratched.

He also had this move we dubbed the "Stevie Wonder" - if you found the right spots to scratch at the base of his tail, he'd move his head from side to side very slowly.

I'll remember Freddy laying out on our brick path in the sun, ever-so-much resembling a beached whale. His tongue, of course, will remain his trademark. After long walks it would be dilated, and if you got his attention he would stop panting for a minute, cock his head ala pug, and sometimes the tongue would get caught in his teeth so that it hung out the side of his mouth. I never did get a good photo of that look.

Freddy died this morning after surgery last night to unblock his intestines. He did very well through the surgery and at night, but threw a clot to his lung this AM at the hospital and passed away suddenly.

I will miss him terribly. Bye, bye, dear Fre-Fre (Eamonn's nickname for him). You were the BEST dog for us.

Quotable quotes

E is at a great age. I'll post pics from Christmas as soon as I find the time to get them off my camera. In the meantime, I'm writing these down before I forget them:

Today - I pull up in front of the house to drop off the key I forgot to leave for the nanny who is patiently playing with E on the porch as she is locked out and our lawn is being mowed. (I also manage to leave the car on and get out before I realize I've left the keys in the car - at least I remembered to put it in Park):

E: "Mama - be CARE-ful so you don't get run over by Mark."

Yesterday - E is playing on the back porch with play dough while I try to pay bills on the computer in our adjacent laundry room.

E: "Mama - I need company."
Me: "Huh?"
E: "I need company because there are train sounds and bird sounds."

Earlier - looking for photos of planes on the computer (a favorite past-time):

E: "Let's look for pictures of vehicles that transport people to the hospital." (word for word, I swear)

Over the weekend:

I started to pitch baseballs to Eamonn and showed him a proper stance (to the best of my ability) and told him to keep his eye on the ball. He hit two in a row! Cracked'em. But then - he started to miss. I cheered nonetheless.

E: "NO, Mama! Don't cheer! Eamonn didn't hit the ball."
Oh dear.

And a last few nuggets as they come to mind:

"Dada will come home from work and then he will sit down at the table and eat dinner with us."

"Mama - don't go to your office - because I LOVE you."

Me: "What did you dream about today?" (post-naptime)
E: "Calerpitters! And the fast slide at the park!"

Me: "Name one thing that made you happy today."
E: "Playing with Mama. And the fast slide at the park!"

E: "Where's Dada?" Me: "He's at work - but he will be home soon - for dinner."
E: "He's bringing home the bacon, Mama." (thank DeeDee for that one)

Oh! And post-Disneyland stress surfaced the weekend after we returned as follows:

We were playing outside, G was raking the leaves and E was happy as could be pushing his bubble mower when all of of sudden he stopped and got emotional. Something was wrong. He whimpered (but not in a whiny sort of way). I asked him if he had hurt himself (what had I missed?!?) He said no - "Eamonn's sad." I asked if he needed a hugh. "No - Eamonn wants to go inside."
OK - I led him up to the porch - and it became clear he wanted to bring his mower into the house.

Me: "Eamonn - you know the mower is an outside toy - we can't bring that inside, it stays outside."
E: face turns bright red, tears well up in his eyes - and he says
"But Mama, I don't want the pirates to get it!"

Uff. We had a long talk about pirates and reality. Days later, he occasionally talks about hiding his toys from the pirates. Poor kid.

Other common outbursts:

"Eamonn's frustrated!"

"Eamonn LUUUUUUUVES spices!"

"Eamonn LUUUUUUUUVES cookies!"

"Mama/Dada take off your work/exercise clothes and put on play clothes."

In viewing the nativity scenes around town - some honored the tradition of putting Jesus in the manger on Christmas Eve night. This concerned Eamonn - "Where is baby Jesus?????"

And now: "Where is Christmas?"

Disneyland

We went to Disneyland for the first time - G ended the fiscal year with a bang and, frankly, we all deserved a break after the months of October and November, so I selfishly set my heart on going to Disneyland to see the Christmas decorations and the boys indulged me. We stayed at the the Grand California which was gorgeous and involved multiple Santa sitings (on separate occasions, thank goodness). E wasn't a fan of the rides OR the noise, but he loved jumping on the hotel bed:

while his parents loved the sunset from our room:

And Cinderella's castle adorned with Christmas lights:

And by the second day we eked a few smiles out of Eamonn - mostly in Toon Town:

Too good to pass up...

This weekend we went out to the ranch after Thanksgiving. One night Eamonn had trouble going to sleep, so I had to return to his room and sing a few songs while I absentmindedly stroked his hair.

All at once he took out his binky and said, emphatically:

"NO Mama! Don't touch Eamonn's head - there's a MACHINE in there."

I went downstairs and asked his grandmother (DeeDee), "Mom, did you tell Eamonn there's a machine in his head?" Sure enough, they had been out hiking and my mother explained something to Eamonn - and as she watched him process it she said "I can see the wheels turning" - he looked back at her quizzically - and apparently translated that into there being a machine in his head. Of course!

"NO Mama! Don't touch Eamonn's head - there's a MACHINE in there."

Adorable.

Jekyll and Hyde

So he's finally hit what the Sears' would call a "negative phase." Meaning: Eamonn's realized he has a will independent of a grown-up's, and he exercises it at every opportunity. He is physically incapable of using the word "yes" - and it's kinda funny....exasperating....but still amusing. It's amazing to me that in the span of five minutes he can go from absolutely adorable and happy, to on the floor on all fours and just sooooooo upset.

We spend a fair amount of time discussing emotions and feelings now. I try to emphasize how his actions affect others and getting him to recognize his reactions to those effects. This results in some amusing conversations with a two and a half year old. Case in point:

Last week DeeDee bravely watched both Ava and Eamonn at the same time. They played well together until I pulled up - whereby they both started tugging on the swing. Eamonn fell to the ground and hyper-reacted because it was naptime. When it came time to say goodbye I asked him to say goodbye to Ava and he said:

"No, Mama, Eamonn can't say goodbye to Ava right now because Eamonn's saaaaaad."

!

On the way home in the car I asked him if he was feeling OK.

Eamonn: "No - I'm still sad."

When I asked why, he explained that it was because he thought it was his turn to use the swing and Ava wanted it, too. So I explained that they are both young and both still learning to share with other people, and that Ava did not mean to hurt his feelings. This prompted:

"What are feelings and how do they hurt?"

So then I launched into happy feelings and sad feelings and my usual "be considerate of others" speech.

Silence.

A few minutes later I started to cough (we've all been sick for over a week now). Eamonn said:

"Mama, we need to go home and get you a lozenge. Then you'll FEEL better."

 

In October Eamonn's godfather Uncle Rich got married in New Jersey; Eamonn was the ringbearer!

Amending our compost pile

Changes...

Has it really been six months since I've updated this page? It seems impossible to recount everything we've enjoyed, accomplished and endured in that timeframe, but I'm up for the challenge:

April: Eamonn turned two!!! And we went on a family vacation to Kauai which was awesome. When we returned I moved in to my very own office downtown in San Diego. Six months later we are *still* working out the details but stay tuned for a website launch...

May: We enjoyed a visit from the Daniels grandparents and hosted a Memorial Day BBQ with friends from PLCPC.

June: Father's Day - the blueberries came in and Eamonn loooooved picking a few every day. We made it to Sea World, the Zoo and the train outside the Zoo as a family.

July: Ugh, July. Eamonn caught his first stomach bug (he made it to 2 without vomiting!); God bless him - the second time he threw up I made it into the bathroom with him and he made it into the toilet - I was so happy I wasn't going to have to clean it up that I kept praising him and rubbing his back, and in between heaves he smiled because he was so proud of himself. I'll never forget that.

After the flu we headed to the Adirondacks sans Greg this year :(. It was a difficult trip. The flights were a nightmare; I have now experienced being trapped on an airplane while solely responsible for an exhausted, screaming toddler. Our hosts were gracious, but Eamonn still wouldn't sleep through the night or let me out of his sight. In hindsight, we now understand that despite his verbal skills Eamonn couldn't vocalize that he was FREAKED OUT by the different environment, people, etc. We returned home and he slept as if nothing had happened. He's my son and he's resistent to change - surprise, surprise!

Also in July we transitioned Eamonn from the crib to the bed. This went smoothly, thank goodness. He woke up on Saturday AM and we moved the furniture and let him help Daddy take down the crib (upon sage advice from Grammie). He's never looked back! He stays in bed until we get him - both in the morning and after naptime. We'll see how long this lasts....


August and September - we spent the rest of summer trying to enjoy the outdoors as much as possible. Lots of time at the beach, pool and sailing. Eamonn continues to improve his communication skills and it's so much fun to watch. He's increasingly independent - now wants to get his own cereal in the morning and pour the milk from a pitcher. He started a pre-preschool program M-W-F for two hours a day and it's been a rocky start, but we're confident things will improve with time. For now someone stays with him until he adjusts. I'm a firm believer that there's a difference between "getting over it" (i.e. the kid gives up) vs. truly acclimating the child. We've always been fans of the attachment parenting style and we see the payoffs every day with Eamonn - he is secure, happy, kind, trusting and an absolute JOY to be around.