I am a terrible blogger. I keep thinking I will find the time to print out all these posts, store them safely, and then suspend the account and go on with life. But then I feel guilty. SO guilty. So I spend more mental energy thinking (unrealistically, as it turns out) that I will find the time to post again.
This is certainly a convenient way to record those precious, tender memories between parent/child. But as E grows up (I cannot BELIEVE he is four, people) I am starting to think the best memories are too sacred to throw out onto the world wide web, and my time is better spent on enjoying the present rather than capturing it for posterity. So I must bid adieu. And I think his fourth birthday is a good note on which to end.
Lest you fear for E - I do have a journal where I write down choice memories and I've started to read some of it to E. True to his sensitive soul, E last told me: "I love you Mama. Write that down."
Which leads me to the last point I'd like to make - one that I have envisioned posting here for quite some time, believe it or not. For me, the most wonderful thing about parenting thus far is the fact that, as time passes, we are falling more and more deeply in love with this child. Nothing prepared me for this. And it is the most wonderful, unexpected gift.
There are definitely challenging days, ones in which I have to remind myself that "I am a grown-up" and "this is not about winning." But for the most part, if I remember to breathe, we manage to resolve things quickly.
I think four is going to be my favorite age - things have gotten so much easier! E is a big help - he is interested in dressing himself; he even wanted to pack his own lunch a few weeks back. And he loves school and the friendships he is in the midst of forming. A few weeks ago he even articulated "yeah, at first I didn't like when you left me at school, but now I do. I like it." When asked what changed, he said "I get it now, Mama. I GET school."
Our lives have been quite the rollercoaster these past 4 years - with 4 job changes between the 2 of us; 3 dogs came and went while the fourth one stayed; panicked searches for a "decent" nanny after we lost our perfect one; false starts at preschool and then, hallelujah!, we found a good fit. All in all, I think we finally hit our groove this last year - and I think E deserves most of the credit for letting us know when we'd made the right decisions. Here's to all parents - both the working and non-working ones - seeking to find a balance for their families. I'm not sure it's ever a static condition, but teetering on the edge of "balance" most of the time certainly feels good!
